I Should Have Stayed in Bed

Now that Melissa's headaches are better (Yeah, surgery!), she's been able to get a fulltime job for the first time in many, many years. She's locating underground utility lines, and loves it, even though she's clawing her way up the steep learning curve, and there are days when we both wish she were home during the day. It's now my job to feed the pregnant sheep, the llamas, the big steers, the little steers, the chickens, and the ducks.

Yesterday it's rainy, so the ground is slippery muck, since we haven't had enough sun and warmth to help the grass grow. Tucker (the llama) stands in the wrong place waiting to be fed. Taking pity on him because he can't figure out where to go, I bring his food to him. He knocks it out of my hands and into the water trough below, getting both of us wet. What a mess. I finally lead him into the barn where he's supposed to go in the first place.

I feed the four steers (each about 600 pounds?) in a long wooden trough. For a year there has been no sign that the two part-Holstein brothers are actually related. But they've recently begun ganging up on the two Jerseys (the world's bovine pacifists) and knocking them away from the feeder. Now I call them the Twins, 'cause they're colluding to get all the corn.

I foil them by making two huge piles, one for the Twins, one for the Pacifists, and that's been working. But yesterday the Jerseys step back and won't eat. This means I must scoop up their food so the Twins won't eat it.

Time to feed Chachi, who's in with the ram, Inigo Montoya. Inigo's become a problem---he's lost his fear of us, and loves to charge. It really races your pulse to have a 200-pound beast lower his head and charge you. Our friend Drew told us last month that he throws a bucket of cold water in the face of a problem ram to surprise him.

So I'm having trouble keeping Inigo away from Chachi's food (we've tried many things---too long to go into). I decide today's the day for the water treatment, so I tramp back to the pen with a bucket of water straight out of the well, 280 feet below ground. It's COLD water. Inigo hops toward me, aggressive as hell.

"You want some of this?" I say with a snarl, then I fling water at him.

He's very surprised...to see that I've missed him entirely and instead drenched myself. Turns out flinging the water up isn't that effective.

Okay, now I'm mad. I wipe the water off my glasses, squeeze out my scarf, then focus. This time I really nail him with the water. He shakes his head and staggers away, stunned.

Unfortunately, he comes back 30 seconds later. "You're gonna have to do worse than that, b*tch."

Oy.

Then later that morning I let the little calves out for their walkabout. I return 90 minutes later with their bottles, and they're very willing to come into the barn. (Have I mentioned that Little #2 hasn't learned that it's quite inappropriate to stick his nose in other people's 'business'?)  So I'm trying to put the big bottle, heavy with milk, into Little #3 bottle holder, and he's sucking on my gloves and making things difficult.

I'm bending over a low gate trying to do this, when Little #2 and his nose begin a fairly vigorous assault on my 'business.' I start laughing. Because my hands are busy with the bottle, I can't fight off Little #2's insistent nose.

Let me just say...

Please, people, remember that we're professionals. Do not try this at home.

I'm Trying not to Laugh

A few posts ago I described my Calf Moment, when I fed them, then let them out to play, and couldn't get them back in the barn without difficulty, especially Little #2, who slipped through the gate into the east pasture.

Well, let me just say that Melissa had her own Calf Moment, and it was way more chaotic than mine. (Sadly, smugness can afflict the best of us.)

She fed the calves at 2 pm, then decided to let them have a little walkabout inside the barn. The barn door was open, with a low board across it as a barrier. Little #2 has seen too many John Deere TV commercials, because he took one look at that board and thought, "Runs like a Deer," and flew over the board. Then the other two insisted on being let out as well, so Melissa gave in. They ran around like crazy animals for a few minutes, then she tried to get them back inside.


Uh-huh. No way. And to show he was serious, Little #2 shot through the five-wire electric fence into the north pasture, where the sheep and Tucker the Protective Llama were grazing. As Melissa ran for the nearest gate into the north pasture, Tucker realized a potential threat had entered his world.  He thundered towards the calf. 

Picture this: A little, deer-like 30-pound calf being chased by the 400-pound llama, who's being chased by Melissa as she yells, "Don't kill the baby!" After Melissa had gotten enough exercise, Tucker stopped and the calf stopped. Then the calf hopped the fence into the east pasture. Melissa slogged back to the original pen and managed to get one of the remaining two calves into the barn. Then she returned to the east and cornered Little #2 against the fence and an old composter made of pallets. She snagged his leg, and wrestled him into the original pen. After a bit more running around, she got all three calves back into the barn.


We will, of course, soon be letting the calves roam outside most of the day. 

Little #2, however, might be on a leash.

Rest in Fleece

Wool is as green a fiber as it gets (a point I make in Sheepish,) but here's an idea that tops them all: wool coffins. The British have been finding ways to increase wool sales for four hundred years, so they're very good at it!

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2056346,00.html

Revised Website Now Live!

After much hard work on the part of my Website Goddess, JC, my website has had a facelift. There are still a few issues (where'd all my Facebook people go?) but they're minor.


If you're a teacher or librarian, take note of the teaching tool in the right column that uses The Perfect Nest.


If you have a middle school girl in your life, scroll down on the right column and pre-order Barn Boot Blues. It won't be out until October, but pre-orders now would stun my publisher. They might ask me to write another book!


I've added a Q&A, an audio book link, info about presentations I give, and the video of our sheep. Wheeeeh!

Stay tuned for upcoming blog entries, which include cool information about wool (Some people think wool is boring. What's wrong with them?) and an update on why I'm once again Head Farmer, just as lambing approaches. Yowza.


Enjoy the sunshine today, if you're lucky enough to have some!

A New Look to Farm Tales

Soon (either this post or the next one)Farm Tales will have a new look. We call it the 'cool tissue paper' design. The blog's new design more closely matches my website, and, in fact, the blog entries will now be available in the center column of my website.

Once JC the Web Goddess gets everything in place, then you'll see the changes. The links should all be the same, so no worries there.

New look, same farm, same farmers, same silly stories!

Idiots R Us

So the sun's out for the first time in days. The calves have been locked up in the barn for 10 days. After I feed them, I let them into the barn to run around. But then I get a great idea. Why not let them outside? There's a huge pen where they can run and jump.

I open the barn door, and off they go, cavorting and running and having a great time. The youngest, Little #2, is the most adventurous, ranging the farthest.

After five minute of fun, I say, "Okay, boys, back in the barn." My technique is this: stick the bottle in front of them, and they'll follow me back inside.

One problem. I'd just fed them. Their tummies are pleasantly full. No one is interested.

More running.

Chapter One of my new novel is waiting for me inside.

"C'mon, guys, let's go." I finally get the most timid to suck on the bottle and lead him inside. One down, two to go.

After much sweet-talking, I get the second to latch onto the bottle and follow me inside.

Now for Little #2.

But while I'm working with the others, he manages to find the baby-calf-sized gap between the red gate and the fence post, and now he's in the pasture.

As exciting as that might have been, he's in a strange place, and that's scary. Suddenly everything is scary, even the nice woman who's been busting her ass to feed him 3-4 times a day. I use the bottle to lure him close, but I realize the barn is too far away now for an empty bottle to keep him interested.

So I grab him.Try to pick him up. Fail.

I've been stuffing him full of milk for 10 days. What was I thinking? Finally I grab him around the chest and carry him like little kids carry very patient cats.

We begin our awkward walk up the hill. We stop to rest. Five more steps. We stop to rest. The calf is calm and quiet, but my legs are shaking.

After numerous rests, we make it back to the barn. He doesn't mind when I put him back in his pen.

Heck of a workout. Legs shaking. Suddenly have the lung capacity of a heavy smoker.

Next time? Let the calves cavort BEFORE I feed them.

Orange Sheep?

Luckily we don't have a problem with people stealing our sheep, but should this problem ever arise, a guy in England has figured out the solution: dye your sheep orange.


The guy, John Heard, has lost 200 sheep to theft, so he "put his 250 blackface ewes through a harmless dye to make them stand out and so less likely to be pinched." He hasn't had any sheep stolen since. Luckily the nontoxic dye wears off, otherwise he'd only be able to sell to knitters who want orange sweaters and socks.

Calf Inflation!

So it's spring, which means it's time to buy more calves. Last year's babies are now 600 pounds, and will be 900 or so pounds in the fall. We love having steers around. 


Has the price of beef in the store been going up? If not, it's headed that way. Last year we paid $35 for each calf, about 10 days old. This year the price is $100 apiece, and the dairy farmer gave us a break. He could sell them at the livestock barn for nearly $200. Holy smokes. I don't know what's going on, but when farmers are willing to pay $200 for a calf barely a week old, it's only because they expect to make lots of money on the finished animal.


Here's one of the little cuties.

And we're finally learning how to make videos, and I posted our first one on youtube this morning. I feel so proud, yet it was ridiculously easy, so I don't know why we haven't done it before. Below is the link to a very short video Melissa filmed this morning. 


We have to keep the calves separate for awhile...otherwise they will suck on each other's... boy parts.... When it warms up mid-morning, we open the barn door and let the sun in. I can't wait until a week from now, when I start letting them out to play. Another opportunity for video! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=devs9FmM3-c

Enjoy!

Donkey Saves Sheep

I don't usually post links, but I might start because there are some fun stories out there. Here's a donkey named Dotty who won an animal bravery award in the UK for coming to aid of her friend, Stanley the sheep.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-12970506

Too bad they don't have these awards in the U.S! We could nominate our llamas.